Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Rumors on the internets- the Bemidji loveshack, etc

Norwegianity once had some sort of running joke about a Northwoods loveshack somehow involving the various female candidates for statewide office poledancing in multiples, somewhere near Bemidji.

It's far more scandalous than that. Rumor has it that I have slept with all the women in Bemidji. Perhaps in a sex-for-votes kind of deal (however, if I am a candidate, it is for SD2, so that doesn't quite make sense). So I went all over town last night, apologizing to the women in downtown Bemidji for cheating on them all, and warning them to get tested for STDs (at some point, I was corrected that the new PC term is STI). No doubt I would have picked something up and transmitted it to hundreds, if not thousands of women, in accomplishing the Herculean tasks that I am rumored to have accomplished. Reportedly, there are sites on the internet where you can see the action in various digital video formats and streaming bit-rates. If that were true, I wouldn't be trading labor to run ads in the City Pages, and I would build a "Telekom-Seksi Stadium" for the Vikings.

Perhaps, like many female voters reported experiencing with Bill Clinton, I have slept with them in their dreams. Why I am bothering to use political sex-magick outside of my own legislative district remains unclear. In the interest of full disclosure - I am not a paid sex worker for any organized electoral campaign. I am a fan of beer and pretty women.

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Bemidji is fueled by gossip. If Frank can't handle the rumor that I am sleeping with his wife, that he has crooked sperm, etc. then he should develop thicker skin. And spawn progeny. Even Tom Cruise has managed to pull that one off. People gossip. It is hard to put down rumors of that sort. I am somewhat sympathetic, as a frequent target of malicious gossip and angry letter writing campaigns to putative employers. Nobody knows anything, but everyone speculates. I assure you, it would only happen in her dreams. Ask Barb about that, it could be the reason for the feverish midnight e-mails I occasionally receive from her... I am sure that I am better in dreams and rumor than I could ever be in the flesh.

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If only people here wanted to discuss ideas, to plan to do things better in the future, etc. I could be satisfied that progress towards some meaningful goal was being achieved here. If certain people could start behaving like adults and own up to procedural abuses, instead of snickering like little children about adult material, adult relationships, etc. it would save them embarassment and exposure at some point down the road.

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I do believe in love. But I also believe that I have to demonstrate that I can fight back. I believe in experimenting with new tactics and strategies, and gradually improving through observation, experimentation, and measurement. Perhaps that's why I've gotten good at whatever it is that I really do. Whatever it is that I have really poured my heart into.

Where/What/Who-ever shall I pour myself out into next? I should spend my summer gardening and fishing, save money, not care about anything. That would be the rational course. Piracy sounds better. The optimistic adventure of this summer would be to set sail with nothing certain plotted, the maps rolled up in their cases, and spyglasses at the ready to spot and study novelty. And I don't necessarily require any crew... but I would entertain applicants for co-pilot(s).

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