Monday, August 06, 2007

CNBC: Cramer Announces Armageddon, 14 Million New Homeless in America

American Home Mortgage has laid off most of its staff and filed for bankruptcy, and in somebody's world that qualifies as Armageddon. The dollar begins to drop again in relation to the Pound Sterling, but remains stable in relation to that most precious of commodities, beer. Also lap dances, and domestically produced porn site memberships. It is not exactly Armageddon for everybody.

While I have noticed that despite the market meltdown, and even the recent local collapse of our most heavily trafficked metro area bridge, you can still buy beer with cash, and the price of beer has remained stable. In Aceh, after the tsunami, in some remote districts, money had no value (e.g. you couldn't eat it, build a shelter out of it, or buy anything you actually needed with it) and also there was no beer (Shariah law, etc.)

So we aren't totally fucked, and the streets of the United States can easily absorb another $14 million homeless, if the bankers and county sheriffs manage to evict all these defaulting mortgage holders. The homeless, new and old alike, have all now been warned about the hazards of sleeping under America's 155,144 structurally deficient or functionally obsolete bridges.

I am planning on increasing my holdings of power bars, bottled water, graham crackers and emergency candles, just in case! Now (while we still enjoy electricity and the magic that is the internet), this is also a great time to buy that membership to busty Erica Campbell's naked and naughty paysite. Looking at titties is probably a better way to deal with market-induced stress than the alternative (jumping off of tall buildings).

Update: Aegis Mortgage (a unit of Cerberus Capital Management) stops taking loan applications and is unable to fund loans already in its pipeline. With potentially significantly fewer homes to heat, the price of oil drops a bit. More information about the Bear Stearns collapse that also factored into the Cramer rant is becoming available. You were a fool if you had any money invested in Wall Street, IMHO, because Enron should have been warning enough!

Happy Armageddon Day!

Update 2: House approves record breaking $460 Billion Defense Appropriation Bill on 395-13 vote as CNBC declares Armageddon. Here we go, America chooses war, like never before!

Update 3: Listening to the video clip again after some time has passed I realize the number in the headline should be 7 million new homeless if we are worried about the affected mortgages, but I think it is clear that Jim Cramer was more concerned about the potential homelessness of his friends in the mortgage industry. See my latest post on this subject for my advice to mortgage industry people becoming unemployed in these closures: Subprime Mortgage Meltdown - Armageddon and the Fed.


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