Thursday, January 31, 2008

I have been too silent, am I done suffering? No, ready for more...

The last week has been a very hard one. A week ago Kucinich announced he was dropping out of the race for president, and my girlfriend and I broke up. Basically I had to adapt and come up with new plans, and a new reason to keep my organism alive, as the sweet awkward girl I lived to take care of, and the leader who had the most consistent strategy to end the war and improve the lot of average Americans, both abandoned shared visions I had become heavily invested in. That I identified with.

I had just gotten serious about my own candidacy, and was on the return from my first loop through northern Minnesota as the candidate, from the debate in Duluth through cafes on Hwy 2 in to Bemidji, checked my mailbox, cashed a check from Erica Campbell, and spent to much money on advertising, ear rings for the girl about to break my heart, and later that night, a bottle of wine with her at the Bad Waitress.

So I have since put a lot of energy into advertising the caucus, arranged a pre-caucus feed for the neighboorhood, and unfortunately, slipped back into romantic situations with this girl, and put my heart through the meat grinder again. And do to some delays to spend cuddle time with the girl after the break up, I missed the good weather and had to flyer about the caucus on days it was -10 to -14 F, but that is a form of penance I required. More penance to perform later today, but I have nearly finished the task of inviting Minneapolis precinct 6-4 to caucus, and adjacent community centers for the urban Native American population.

I need to find a new place to live in Minneapolis, at least through the Congressional District conventions (CD 2, 3, 4, 5). Depending on how the campaign looks at that time, I will probably want to go to convention and participate in the endorsement battle for U.S. Senate, lobby for the election of party officers who might revitalize our part of our democracy, etc.

I am also going to be looking for work that will be very flexible with my temporary need to follow through with my candidacy and party activities - something with machines. Machines make sense. It has been a while since I have done serious programming, system administration, software and hardware quality assurance, but I'd like to ease back into it and start making some real money for awhile, even if it ends my long personal strike against the economy that supports the illegal occupation of Iraq, and forces selfish advantage seeking when we should be organizing collectively to preserve our system of government, our landscapes and ecosystems from further degradation and commodification, assaults on our civil liberties and the civil rights of those easier to deprive of their franchise because of institutional bias, personal predjudice, and poverty.

I need a new girlie, one who will be more supportive of this whole enterprise, and be ready to travel when the show here is over. I have some villagess on a beach on the otherside of the planet I want to go check up on, too!

The Bad Waitress has kind of become my office in SD 61, I think the ex-girlfriend is holding her public brooding sessions down the block in the Spyhouse. I would love some form of divinity to intervene and either patch things up for us or send us to opposite ends of the earth, not opposite ends of the same block on Nicollet Ave., so we can be useful and find love again. As the backdrop and context of this sappy broken heart love story saga, we have our messy, fragile democracy, and an imploding economy. The supposed Chines curse, "may you live in interesting times" could be made more horrible by extending it to:

"may you fall in and out of love, in interesting times, while a deadline fast approaches, an opportunity to impact the fate of the world, many watch in fascination and dread, and mostly comment on your personal appearance and the trendiness of your clothes. Essentially you live in a van, it is -14 below outside, and you are the most competent of four adventurers (they are better dressed but aged, richer but less thrifty and efficacious) who are also competing for the attention of the village that is looking for a modern dragon slayer, punk rock poet or people-powered political/spiritual leader..."

Oh the drama, the megalomania, the heartbreak. What fun! I am ready for more, this is not Disneyland, and I cannot get off the ride. Might as well just submit to the rush of events, and try to maneuver the currents looking downstream, instead of exhausting myself trying to paddle upstream to the safety I remember, that is gone. We are all loose in this torrent, and until someone else steps up, it looks like I am the river guide for our little tour group! Kiss me, I am crazy, but the right kind of crazy to be powerful and successful here. In the words of HST, When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...


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